Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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