Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I have feelings that need drinking.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
