a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
