Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Found your dick twin last night
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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