When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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