I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
