ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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