my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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