i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
