it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
