Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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