hell yes lets make some ravioli
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
