Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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