she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
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