He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
