Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
