I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
