Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
