Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
