How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
