went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
third nipple confirmed
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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