I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
