This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
