i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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