so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
