I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Randomize
