one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
