if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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