Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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