just tell him i said nine months
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize