Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
