trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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