we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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