I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Randomize
