we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
