From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
