when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
