i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
honey bunches of taint.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
