yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
