this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
