So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
