The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
