How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
