Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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