i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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