you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
