Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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