Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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