you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
