you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
