Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
