woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
