So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
