I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
So many bounce houses so little time
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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