It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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