Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
