he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
