didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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