I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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