Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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