I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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