Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
