My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize