Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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