The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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