Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
