Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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