just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
