Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
