1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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