i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
