I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
