Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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