two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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