Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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