i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
