Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
