The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
