Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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