sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I will be naked everywhere
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
