Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Couch. On fire.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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