guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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