so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
