just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
