Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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