Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
smell my finger.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
